We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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