He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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