so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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