I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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