This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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