It's Friday. Sex?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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