I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize