I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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