good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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