I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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