I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
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You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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