went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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