I can tuck mytits in my pants
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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