I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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