I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize