people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize