dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I looked at my own cervix.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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