Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize