LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize