Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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