i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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