My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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