I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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