Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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