remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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