He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish i was in the wii world.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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