I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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