Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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