I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize