this just has baby written all over it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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