So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize