I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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