This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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