Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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