All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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