Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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