so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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