please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize