when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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