I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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