sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
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Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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