I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize