did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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