She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
tell me about the eggs
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize