i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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