Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
the raccoons are back...
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