look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let's get the cat blown out
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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