she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
why is half of my head shaved?
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