Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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