I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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