theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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