the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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