I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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